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Wednesday, February 20, 2008  

Tomorrow's Mark Penn Memo Tonight

I've obtained through dark and nefarious means an advance copy of the forthcoming Mark Penn memo on Clinton's crushing defeat in Wisconsin.

To: Interested Parties
From: Mark Penn
Re: Obama's 75% Ceiling

While we heartily congratulate Senator Obama's campaign on their Wisconsin victory, the final results must be less than heartening to the Obama campaign.

1) Obama has a ceiling of 75% of Democratic primary support. Barack Obama has consistently won primaries and caucuses with only 75% or less of the vote. In addition to effectively disenfranchising the at least 25% of the Democratic electorate that is not voting for him, the Obama camp cannot be happy that their candidate hasn't reached 90% of the vote in any contest since the U.S. Virgin Islands on February 9.

2) Obama fails to win key demographics. Once again, Obama has not broken into the key demographic of voters who have been on a casino junket in the last thirty days. He also failed to win voters who had never heard of him, Wiccans, members of more than one bowling league, mourning dove hunters, white voters with "strongly negative" views of African Americans, and Vatican II-rejecting Catholics. These groups will only become more significant as the primary campaign shifts to Texas, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

3) Who cares about Wisconsin anyway? Seriously, has any of you been to Wisconsin until now? I haven't even been in an airport there. You probably can't even name the capital. It's a state comprised of rubes and impressionable elites. We never really expected to win there, and indeed only heard of the state after February 5th. Prior to that we assumed it was part of Canada, or failing that it was an invention of the beer marketing industry. The mistake is obviously ours, but the underlying point--who gives a s---?--still, we think, stands.

Given all of these facts, we are quite happy with our performance in Wisconsin and look forward to whatever states are next.

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posted by Benjamin Dueholm | 12:16 AM
See now this is an awesome post, and what's sad is that until point #2, you almost had me.
After Hill's 'he's had a few good weeks' part of her speech today, this is a great perspective check!!!

Actually most of the Wiccans are probably for Obama.
Quite silly -- "has a ceiling of 75%" Rarely has any candidate reached such high levels of support in a competitive race with more than one qualified candidate -- or even in a race without such as in the Republican race for the nomination.
This is wonderfully funny -- if it's yours, you write great satire. I loved the "casino junket" and everything after the wiccans (mourning dove hunters was a brilliant touch). Well done.
well said!

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