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Friday, April 09, 2010  

Throwing the SCOTUS Long-Ball

Being hampered by no actual knowledge of the plausible candidates and enjoying idle speculation, I thought I'd toss a few out-of-box names for the Prez's consideration.

Russ Feingold
Pros: Seriously. Very sharp legal mind, lots of judiciary committee experience, not a hack or a wanker, skeptical of state power, suspicious of executive power, guaranteed to leave everybody scraping their jaws off the floor at some point in every term.
Cons: Obama cannot cannibalize his Senate majority any further. Also, see the above.

Eric Holder
Pros: Believes in the rule of law, seems very smart, two consecutive non-white appointments would make Rush Limbaugh launch into outer space and leave Stuart Taylor Jr. weeping heavy tears for the death of the white guys' meritocracy.
Cons: Mustache.

Hillary Clinton
Pros: Great all-around experience at this point; everybody apparently has to like her now; lightning-quick knee to Scalia's original intentions if he tries anything.
Cons: There can't possibly be three women simultaneously qualified enough to serve on highest court. Uhhh...too old?

Mitt Romney
Pros: Republican, but totally unprincipled, so a perfect trans-partisan choice; Obama gets to make a second historical pick, naming the court's first Synthetic-American; lack of legal experience easily rectified by downloading a Potter Stewart module.
Cons: Vulnerable to hackers, power outages, and cyber-attacks

Charlie Crist
Pros: Help a brother out?
Cons: Less popular among Republicans than Hillary Clinton

Dawn Johnsen
Pros: Against torture, well-regarded, powerful "Suck. On. This" factor
Cons: Anti-torture stance guarantees GOP filibuster.

Liz Ptacek
Pros: While it will be argued that she's only on the list because she's my friend, she will assemble majorities with compelling cute cat stories and profoundly persuasive bloody mary skills; will galvanize Chicago's bluegrass community; almost graduated from law school.
Cons: America not yet ready for a justice of Slavic descent.

Richard M. Daley
Pros: I think he went to law school, personal rapport with president, thoroughly vetted, will bring in Frank Gehry to reboot dreary SCOTUS building, lots of 9-0 decisions
Cons: None.

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posted by Benjamin Dueholm | 5:02 PM
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