The Private Intellectual
Ecclesiastes-Based Real Estate Advice


Wednesday, November 03, 2010  

Tribune Editorial Translator: Morning After Edition

They're feeling buoyant at the Tower today.

What they said: The waves that pounded Democrats on Tuesday resembled waves that crushed Republicans four and two years ago — and could crush them in 2012 if they don't satisfy the public's demands for less spending and more job creation.

What they meant: The public demands more spending on them and less spending on everyone else. Go back and read our Brady endorsement if you're still unclear on this critical perception of public opinion. Have we mentioned recently that we pay Jonah Goldberg actual legal tender for doing something other than picking up dog waste?

What they said: With Democratic place-holder Roland Burris about to turn into a pumpkin, Republican Mark Kirk quickly will be seated to serve out the final weeks of another senator's term. That fellow's name is Obama. He was elected to the Senate in 2004 but left to take a better job. In the short run, then, Kirk can help Republicans block any egregious taxing or spending moves by a lame-duck Senate between now and the arrival of other new senators in January.

What they meant: We loves us some Mark Kirk, so let's just be clear on what this is about. Not egregious: Bush tax cuts, wars without end, Medicare Part D, estate tax repeal, more tax cuts for high incomes. Egregious: other stuff.

What they said: One word of advice, Sen.-elect Kirk: Don't go native. You're a senator from Illinois, not a senator from the Senate. What does that mean? Republican Chuck Percy, a similarly talented man, grew steadily out of touch with his home state, and gradually more a creature of the Club of 100. To Illinoisans he became a museum piece, the senatorial-looking guy on network television who used to be Chuck Percy.

What they meant: You can take this advice to the bank, buddy. Stay in touch with us reg'lar folks on North Michigan.

What they said: Mr. Kirk, we wish you every success guiding foreign policy and national security, areas at which you excel. But your state very much needs what it hasn't had: a powerful voice for less federal spending and for tax policies that will create more jobs in ravaged states such as Illinois.

What they meant: Be sure to keep voting for wars, but not for taxes that pay for them. You've got this down already, but we want to be sure to stiffen your spine a bit.

What they said: Voters inexplicably handed the key to Joseph Berrios at the expense of independent candidate Forrest Claypool. File this one under: There is much in life that we as mortals cannot comprehend.

What they meant: People like us all voted for him, both yesterday and when he lost to the guy in the coma. Claypool's Daley-sponsored resume may be termed 'independent' at our sole and unreviewable discretion.

Again, guys, I kid because I love. This stuff doesn't have to suck.

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posted by Benjamin Dueholm | 9:41 AM
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